Ode to a pack of wafer thin turkey ham

O! Pack of wafer thin turkey ham,

I love your processed pink,

Reconditioned, compressed meat.

Tightly vacuum packed in plastic sleeve.

Sweating unashamedly on discount shelf.

Battered box; yellow stickered underbelly,

62 pence down from 2.29

Leap into my basket –

Let me take you home.

Scan and bag. You are mine.

O! Pack of wafer thin turkey ham,

Perhaps I’ll serve you up between

The crusts of value buttered bread.

With cut-price Branston and morally bereft (but markedly reduced) battery eggs.

A meal fit for a shelf trawler’s dream.

Expectant I fling wide the cupboard door–


Not even a putrid, orange bean.



O! Pack of wafer thin turkey ham,

Do not despair

You are fine just as you are.

For tonight a feast

Solely of your fowl slithers

Snuck slice by slice from fridge.

Yes, tonight it shall be I who gobbles,

(for you no longer squawk)

Pretending as you are

to be a piece of pork.


About Gary Baggings

Andrea is a former farm girl who is currently living and working in London. She spends her days writing words for other people, and the long nights penning her own. When she grows up she wants to be cleverer than she is now and run an emporium of some sort. For no good reason, and against sound advice, she writes under an inexplicable pen name, visit www.garybaggings.wordpress.com for more.
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